Parenting

I've noticed a pattern with my blogs. They're either about my children or food, for the most part. You'd certainly think that, as a relatively young "career" woman I'd have something else to talk about. It just so happens though, that I really like my kids and I realllly like to eat. Perhaps I should rephrase that. I love to eat. (Don't go getting all uptight on me, I love my children too.)

We got a lecture today at work-myself, the female youth trainer in the office who has a child the same age as my baby, and the male community outreach guy who I graduated with-from the coordinator of the program in the county. We were told that women were meant to stay at home and rear their children while it was the job of the male of the species to earn a living, support and protect their families. Essentially, what it boiled down to was that I and the other lady are bad mothers because we work. I probably should mention that her husband is unemployed currently and staying at home with her child, much like mine. I should also mention that this lady, the one doing the lecturing, periodically brags about what a great single mother she was to her three children, working in various jobs to support them as they were growing up. Huh? Seriously, she criticized us for doing the very things she brags that she did.

I enjoy working. Well, most of the time I enjoy working. I like my job. It's relatively narrow in scope. I do a certain number of things, do them often, and do them for different people. I like being out of the house. It, however, at this point, is not a choice for me. I have to work. We were told that we work and then give our children material things to make up for being out of the house and not fulfilling our roles. I admit I do work to give my children material things. Things like a home, food, clothes, soap for their bath, diapers, underwear and shoes.

This particular woman was a good mommy though because she was at every ball game her child ever participated in. That's pretty much it. She assured that they would be "successful" adults by attending their ball games. That's what makes you a good parent, being sure you're at every ball game they have. I guess if your children don't play ball you're doomed to be a bad parent?

And do you want to know my response to this? I'm an intelligent, well-spoken, sometimes brash and irritable woman. I don't always have a lot of tact. I said, and this is almost a direct quote, in my short little 7 years as a parent, there are a couple of things that I've learned the hard way. As a parent, it's more important to teach your children about morals, ethics, values, and respect than being sure that you're there to encourage every single thing they do on a basketball court. If you raise a kid who is a horrible human being and does not love his fellow man as he does himself, then what does it matter if you were at their ball game or not? My child, at almost 4, says please, thank you, excuse me, you're welcome, and bless you when it's appropriate. I'm not saying my children are perfect but I think the idea of a "successful" adult child is completely subjective.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe for one second that I am a perfect parent. My kids do things they shouldn't do. Sometimes they don't get into trouble for things that they should. Sometimes they get mild injuries because I wasn't paying attention. They don't get a bath every day necessarily unless their condition requires it. Sometimes for breakfast we have Oreos. I don't sweat the small stuff. They are required to treat people with respect. They know about Jesus and have been in church essentially every Sunday since they were about a week old. They know how to express themselves and they are told every day that they are loved, they are wanted, and that their feelings are important and their intelligence is valued. I'll also own to the fact that a great deal of this knowledge comes from their Mommaw and Poppaw and I'm thankful for that. When they're old enough to go to school and do all of the things that come with it, then I'll probably sit in the stands and scream like a crazy woman until they beg me not to come because I'm embarassing them. But I also know that sometimes life will get in the way and hubby and I might not bea able to do every single thing that they would like us to do.  

What I won't admit to, what I refuse to own up to, is the opinion that such a ridiculous thing as extracurricular activities determine the quality of parent. What I also refuse to agree with is that mother's working outside of the home is the reason people are on drugs and committing crimes right and left. I would consign that more to the fact that most people refuse to take the time to teach their children about right and wrong, the consequences of their actions, and personal responsibility but most of all the importance and reality of God.

This wouldn't be a BKC Mom blog if I didn't share an anecdote about the little BKCs. A couple of Sundays ago, I'd made grilled shrimp and salmon for supper. My Big BKC sat at the table to begin his meal along with his brother while I made up plates for hubby and myself. Big BKC yells into the kitchen, and this is a direct quote, "Mommy, don't you realize that I don't like shrimp?" Not only did I not realize that he didn't like shrimp, I also didn't realize that he knew what shrimp was or that he knew the word realize. Shows you what I know.